You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
