his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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