I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
