Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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