Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
