She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
