I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
