I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
