I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
