Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
