all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
