I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
