A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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