i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This toilet bowl is my home.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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