I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Green mimosas i think yes
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
