Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
