I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
