just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
