ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
