That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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