WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
