a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
