just come out here and I will go home with you...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
