who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
