I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
