we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
