you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
