Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
