there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Randomize
