Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
