Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize