His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
