We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
