My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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