HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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