i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
