she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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