Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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