I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize