I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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