lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
