Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
