Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude i'm inner monologue high
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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