I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize