Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
