I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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