eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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