it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I smell stomach acid.
high people should be assigned attendants
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
