Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
