Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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