day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
