I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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