I'm gonna have a badass scar
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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