Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
