just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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