The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
