I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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