I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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