We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
