hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
