Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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