You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
