I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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