phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize