I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
