If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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