Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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