when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
