Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize