She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
