Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
