Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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