I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
