just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
