am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize