He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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